Who needs cookies anyway?

......

Ok... so... cookies will still be had.  I can't lie to you.

But you know what?  I'm hoping that I can get to a point where a cookie or two is plenty for me and that I can enjoy it without guilt.  Or, sometimes, maybe even pass it up if I'm just not in the mood or I'm simply not hungry. 

I still won't let you take my cookies though.

Anyhoo, tonight The Beard and I went to the grocery store for our "Big Grocery Shop" (which is what we call any grocery trip that I can actually force him to join me on).  Tonight was the first big trip since my appointment, and my first big test of will. 

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN

Ok, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic.  I did get all of my protein in my first two meals today, which was awesome, and I stayed pretty much not-hungry all day (even with as little as I ate, relative to what I used to eat).  I came home from work and cleaned out the fridge and freezer of all the stuff we don't need or want anymore.  It was kind of freeing.

There is not a DROP of ice cream in this house anymore people.  I think it's a first.  Oddly enough, though, I'm ok with it. 

So, at the grocery store, I had my crazy, beautiful, color coded shopping list that I based off of necessities and the list of Do's and Don'ts that my doctor gave me.  Of course, The Beard judged me harshly for my OCDness, but oh well.  It made things faster and more organized!  Plus, now that I am supposed to be eating certain things at certain times of the day, etc, I needed to make sure that I got everything we needed.  So there.

I really am proud of myself though.  I knew where the things that I needed were, and just avoided the isles that had things that I didn't need, instead of trolling the isles looking for what I "want" at the time being. Cereal isle?  No.  Pasta isle?  Y..... nah.  Ice cream?  Eh, I'll rock a popsicle instead.  Why?  Because it's not needed. 

I do have to say, though, that for a moment, I hesitated when walking past the pasta isle.  Pasta is my jam, as anyone who knows me is very aware.  But as I hesitated, I thought to myself - why?  Why am I hesitating?  I'm not never having pasta again, I just don't need it right now.  I need my health more.  And guess what, if I want some spaghetti, I'll have some damned spaghetti.  I'll just build my day around it, and make healthier choices otherwise.  No big, right? 

Tonight I've got more protein and veggies in my fridge and freezer than I've ever had at one time before.  Most of it is "need to cook," but we got some steam veggie bags and things like that for those nights when we're lazy.  The best thing about this?  The Beard is totally, 100% on board with me.  He's going to follow my plan with me, and we're going to do it together, which means more, and helps more, than I think he knows. 

So, now begins my days of trying new foods.  I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of freaking the Hell out, but I'm still going to do it.  For the first time I'm not feeling like I'm not ON A DIET during my weight loss journey; I feel like I am changing my diet.  Two totally different things, if you ask me.  And for once, I don't feel deprived.  If I want something, I will probably allow myself to have it, but it will be within the parameters that I have set up for myself.  You can't live a happy, healthy life when it's full of nothing but deprivation: if it works at all, it won't last long. 

Send tasty thoughts my way, I might need them!