Resolutions are made to be broken...

It's so hard to believe it's literally been months since I've written a post on here.  It's so strange to me, because it is such a catharsis for me to write; to get out all of the thoughts and energy tumbling around inside this crazy, mixed up head of mine and and use it to try to sort things out, or whatever I feel like I need at the moment. 

What I've realized lately though, is that I've allowed myself to put this blog on the back-burner because I have "other things" to do.  I got so bogged down with work, life, preparation for the holidays, etc., that I just let myself let this go by the wayside.  (Admittedly, probably because these usually take me FOREVER to write because I'm pretty OCD about it I don't want to get started because I KNOW how long it will take me before I'm ready to stop, and I hate stopping before I'm really finished!)  I need to stop doing that.  I need to stop not doing the things that help me, or make me feel better just because they're less convenient.  I need to MAKE time for them. I need to make time for me.

I wanted to make some resolutions this year, because hey, it's that time right?  That's what all the cool kids are doing!  But as the title of this post says: resolutions are made to be broken.  Or, more accurately I suppose... they're made, and then they're broken.  How many resolutions have you made in the past that you've actually KEPT?  The only one that I know of that has been kept, at least in this house, was The Beard's resolution for 2013 to blame the majority of his "noxious emissions" on the cats. (Well, either the cats, or the "barking spiders," or creaky floors, whatever)

2013 was actually a pretty damned great year for me.  It started out pretty rough, admittedly.  My health sucked, life was insanely stressful.  It seemed like my depression was just getting worse and worse.  It got to the point where I broke down one day in April and couldn't take it anymore.  I had The Beard go with me to see my family doctor, and I was fully prepared to beg him, do whatever I had to do to have him put me on some miracle weight loss drug that I just knew was out there that would help me.  Obviously, there wasn't one, but after my totally embarrassing breakdown he DID give me the number to the man who would ultimately become my savior.  Six months of working with that doctor on diet and behavior modification later, and I'm just shy of officially being SIXTY pounds lighter than I was when I started seeing him!  Admittedly, the weight loss has been a huge thing, the physical difference alone has made a huge change in how I feel and how I see myself. 


What I didn't expect, though, was the internal changes that I would go through in addition to the external changes.  These happened without my even trying.  Trust me, I have BEEN to therapy.  It works, if you've got the right therapist, and I did.  Mine helped a lot, and I went for a good looooong while.  This though, this change has been even more profound, and happened without my even trying.  Maybe it's because I had the therapy first so I was able to get all of the harder work out of the way.  Maybe it's because for the first time in my life I am truly succeeding at losing weight and keeping it off while still living like a normal person, not starving myself or eating nothing but rabbit food or whatever else the current fad is.  Maybe it's because I just decided to let all of the bad shit go for once in my life. 

Whatever the reason, I'm not mad at it.  I'll just accept it and hope it keeps happening. 


Although I do still struggle with my depression, I have a much more positive outlook on life on a daily basis.  Negativity used to rule me.  A lot of my friendships were purely surface level friendships, but something in me changed and I started opening up.  I think the part of me that was afraid to get close to people loosened up and I started letting people in, and started trying to learn more about them too.  I am thrilled now to be able to say I can count someone like MamaDuck as a true friend, instead of someone that I kept at a friendly distance before because of my own issues.   And not only that, but I feel like I've been doing better (or at least TRYING to do better) to even further develop the close friendships that I already have.  Making them stronger.  I want to continue to do that.  Now that my little sisters have texting, I can talk to them much more often, which makes me very happy.  They're growing up SO FAST, and this will help me be a more present and important part of it, especially since they're states.


So, back to my original topic.  Every year I make resolutions because that's what I figure you're "supposed" to do, but how many of us keep them?  "I will lose 100 pounds."  "I will go to the gym every day."  "I will bring my lunch to work three times a week to save money."  "I will stop making children cry for fun." 

You know, the usual stuff.

I've decided this year, I'm not going to waste my time with resolutions.  2014 may be just another calendar year, but in this household, it's the year of The YEARD (That's right folks - The Beard has decided to grow a Yeard.  That's a beard that grows for a year.  He's only done 6 months before and that was full on Duck Dynasty.  This should be interesting!)  So, obviously, 2014 is supposed to be pretty epic.  Therefore, instead of resolutions, I am making a few DECLARATIONS:

I will continue on my weight loss journey until I have reached my goal.
I will continue staying positive and being a positive influence in other people's lives.
I will get our home completely organized - including giving away a great deal of things to friends, family, and Goodwill/other organizations.
I will spend more time with family and friends.
I will work to finally establish and grow my business.  It is something I am passionate about and I truly want to succeed.  


Life is what you make it.  People look at the New Year like it's this magical time when anything can happen and it's the only  time you can make big changes.  That couldn't be further from the truth!  Each new day holds it's own magic; each new moment holds the potential for change and growth and development. 

It may be the New Year right now, and that's all well and good.  But please, don't make a resolution.  Make a declaration.  Declare that you're worth the promises that you make to yourself, because you are.For once, I know that I am. 


Happy New Year, may 2014 bring happiness, health, and love to you all.